feel like shit

home.drizzling.12:49pm.depressed

it's been 2 weeks since we talked. it's also the 2nd week of my new job. is it a coincidence, or i cannot have the best of both world?

work is busy and being occupied with learning and doing some really no value-add stuff. i am putting a false front in work trying to be cool. But deep inside, i really wan to tell somebody about my work, my experience, and most importantly .. my feelings.

life without her has been a mess. i have been supressing my feelings. i thought i could live with it for the first 5 days. But I could no longer lie to myself. I could not fight the urge to sms or call her. but she didn't pick up nor acknowledge.

we are no saints. we have tempers and we have been through roller coasters affecting both of us. no matter what she did wrong, or how bad her temper is, i still love her. each time after a quarrel, i always hate myself asking why i couldn't give in to her. each time, it's too late. she's very lovable and a gem to me.

many times, what i did or said, do not reflect a complete picture of my feelings, thus leading to many misunderstandings. i do not blame her. i do not speak well.

i really hope things would be well for us. i really miss you.

it's lunchtime and i have not been eating well for 1 week. maybe (ci) really helps.

i hope some one sees this blog; i hope no one sees this blog....